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12.04.2012

What The Victoria's Secret Show Taught Me...

Nothing says "Let's get ready for the Holidays" like watching half-naked girls strut on a runway and try to sell you ridiculous underwear that only they would ever look good in. With that being said, we are all obsessed and slightly depressed on this cold, sensual December evening. Here's what I learned from this year's Victoria's Secret Fashion Show...
 
 
 
1. Even Angels have to lose the pregnancy weight. Granted, Alessandra and Miranda also recently had kids and look perfect, but new mom Adriana was noticeably larger. Not criticizing, relating really!
 
2. Big hair can be done in a totally non-Dolly Parton way. Their hair- collectively- is always full yet not stiff or Barbieish. No matter how hard we try, though, ours always comes out beach bum (with emphasis on the BUM) instead of Angel Sexy. Why?! PS- Here's a hair tutorial for you just in case you want to attempt. http://www.shape.com/lifestyle/beauty-style/get-sexy-hair-victorias-secret-model
 
3. Spray tans are key. When working out is not enough, get yourself a professional spray tan. Maybe even ask if they can airbrush abs and chiseled cheekbones on. See Exhibit A below for sun-scorched evidence.
 
 
 
4. Super skinny may not be my desired look after all. Many of their bodies were sick in a "dayumn girl" way; however, some of their bodies were just sick. There's a fine line between skinny and quit-the-gym. My preference is skinny yet toned...and I feel that some of their bodies are aspirational and even attainable.
 
5. When all else fails, make a sexy kissy face.
 
6. Stockings and garters are still in. Yay! They bring back that retro feel I really love of lingerie. That's all I'm going to say about that...it's a family blog, people.
 
7. Justin Beiber is more groomed than me...and all of the Victoria's Secret models. Seriously, how is his hair that done? And his eyelashes are peculiarly puppy dog-like.
 
 
8. Girls like to look at hot girls just as much, if not more, than guys. Of all the #VSFashionShow tweets, I only saw one or two (of millions) from men...and they were both gay. I'm convinced.

9. Even supermodels get bruises. Random. And why don't they show more of their behinds? I think it's to avoid seeing cellulite. Yup, I'm going with that! :)

10. Moms can be hot! Doutzen, Adriana, Miranda, ahh Alessandra! I can't even be jealous, because I'm on Team Mom no matter what.
 


5 comments:

  1. Found you on Twitter, that's hilarious! I like how you don't take yourself too seriously.

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  2. OMG hahaha love this list!!!!!!! Beiber is more groomed than most women in America!
    xoKatie

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  3. Wow! I guess I missed the VS show but I love their merchandise. Love

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  4. I missed the fashion show but your so spot on with this list! lol I agree some of them are really good looking and other are sick skinny, quick someone get that girl a cheeseburger! ;)

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  5. Adriana looked fabulous for just having a baby eight weeks ago. That's a crazy recovery! Even faster than Miranda's super human recovery! They must work HARD. I can't even imagine. Haha. I feel like it would be strange to grow up knowing your mom is a Victoria's Secret angel.

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